Marigliano Nakhle: He held my hips and impaled me with his dick.

CURRENTLY RUNNING A HOLIDAY WEEKEND SPECIAL! ACT NOW! You lucky guy, you! You've just stumbled onto the listing of a lifetime! Available for a SHORT TIME ONLY, there is an absolutely adorable 1974 model GIRLFRIEND 3000. They don't make 'em like this anymore, no sirree. Built for your comfort, with just enough cushioning to keep things interesting, the GIRLFRIEND 3000 can do all of these tasks Make you a cocktail and/or open bottles of wine or beer Rub your shoulders when you've had a bad day with scalp massage option Fix holes in the pockets of your favorite jeans and even teach you how to DIY! Make awesome grilled cheese sandwiches, several kinds of risotto, and a vast array of baked goods on short notice Entertain herself without throwing a hissy fit while you go out with your friends and do Stupid Dude Crap up to four times a month without additional maintenance! Snuggle like a champ and do some other stuff pretty well, too Wear jeans and look cute, or wear dresses and look nice Ride bikes with you to go get a snocone Charm your parents Befriend your pets Make your friends crack up Laugh at your jokes clever and stupid Play oldschool videogames with you, and only ask stupid questions about them every now and then The GIRLFRIEND 3000 has the following operator specifications Must be of sufficient height 6'0 or taller OR really, really awesome and otherwise totally compatible Must be an experienced operator but maybe not too experienced 3042ish Must not already have a different GIRLFRIEND 3000 unit, or a WIFEOTRON 500 No smoking due to delicate nature of GIRLFRIEND 3000 filtration system Clever, progressive, welleducated, and funny operators tend to get the best performance out of the GIRLFRIEND 3000 Maintenance requirements Daily compliments will be reciprocated in kind Ongoing demonstrated fondness for lolcats, and actual cats Moviewatching while snuggled at home or holding hands theater Dancing at least twice a month, prefe

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